Lack of sexual confidence is something I know a lot of both women and men suffer from. It’s something that can occur over night or build from years of self-criticism. I myself have experienced lack of body love, and this made it very hard for me to perform in the bedroom. This article is all about how I personally became body positive in the bedroom and I’m sure it will help you achieve the same.
Guide to boosting your sexual confidence
Benefits To Sensual Confidence
Achieving confidence in your body makes life much easier. Sex becomes easier and more enjoyable as every aspect you were once worried about is now stripped away. Once you have achieved confidence inside the bedroom you will then notice your confidence grow in real life situations too, you become more aware of yourself and less inhibited.
When women get body positive they will find it easier to climax, feel much better about their body, be open-minded to new things and take more control of their own and their partner’s sexual pleasure.
When a man gains confidences sensually he is able to last longer in bed (getting rid of all mental blocks), bring his partner to orgasm with ease and most importantly he will be confident and sure of what he wants in and outside of the bedroom (A super attractive quality).
There is also a ton more benefits, some seriously good effects on your relationship/s (and future relationships) and loads of which will make you feel more comfortable in your own skin.
Start with issue you can fix quickly
Start On Things We Can Fix
A few common places men have body issues in are the penis and their sexual performance, including premature ejaculation, ability to make a female climax and a fear of not being able to staying erect during sexual intercourse. A mans issues are usually based on how well he performs in the sack, but some men do experience insecurities with their body too.
Common places women have sexual issues in is the way their body looks, wondering if they smell a certain way down there, the noises they’re making and she always worries about her performance.
Once we strip this back and realize that it’s our issues that are actually causing the problems and not the problems causing the issues, we can start fixing things.
So, write a list of your bodies insecurities and things that you think cause lack of sexual confidence. Then pick the easiest ones to fix and start finding ways to fix them.
This is an example of some common things you can fix quickly and how I fixed them.
Hygiene and smell
Both men and women should have a shower before sex, use nice shower gel, wash all areas and when you get out apply good smelling moisturizer to your body and then spray yourself with deodorant and a nice perfume/after shave.
Men should groom themselves, don’t have to go crazy, as most women still like a little hair, but clean things up and manscape.
The women I speak to all feel much sexier when they’re shaved and hairless, but every woman’s different. Just groom to your preference and make yourself feel sexy.
Another way to feel sexy is to grab some hot underwear. Men should wear their favorite boxers and women can either wear some nice lingerie or get themselves a little sex outfit (America – Europe) (something a little kinky).
Lasting long enough in bed
Fix it by reading this article I did on lasting longer in bed.
Both men and women should know how to give great oral sex.
Guide to giving the best blow job to your man.
Guide to orgasmic cunnilingus for your lady.
Create a list of body insecurities
Create A List Of Reasons Why You’re Not Confident In Your Body
Now we’ve found ways to fix the quick issues you will definitely see a spike in your sensual love for your body. But, that confidence is situational and usually only found while doing small tasks before you have sex and will be lost over time once your body gets used to the routine. That being said, it’s still an extremely important part in building sexual confidence, and is the foundation of this article.
So, now it’s time to focus on the bigger picture and aim for long-term sexual confidence, the type that’s with you in and out the bedroom and doesn’t just disappear.
How Do You Achieve This?
You go back to the list and look at the harder to fix issues, things like: Body/Looks, personality traits, anxiety, etc. We’re now going to fix them, this process may take a while, but as soon as you start you will see an immediate increase in your confidence.
My Butt – everyone’s Got Their Own Big/Small Insecurities
I’m a guy and I have a tiny butt, literally non-existent and for a long time this ruined my body image, I’d get undressed and literally do anything possible to avoid the girl seeing. I’d be naked and walking like I was hiding something behind my back.
Now, as someone who loves being naked this was some what of a problem when in a relationship and one day I lost it and decided to make a decision:
One: I could just accept my butt, stop complain, show it off like it’s my main asset and just stop caring about it.
Two: Fix it, I knew that if I went to the gym and did a squat routine twice per week, while eating the right food, I’d have a butt that would eventually be to die for (guy version of Beyoncé just sayin).
I chose number two and am still in the process of doing squats every week, this takes around 40 minutes of my week and has completely changed my confidence in the bedroom.
So, no matter how big the problem, research ways of fixing it, make a plan of action and then work your ‘butt’ off everyday to get to your goal.
use a blindfold in the bedroom
Experiment With Blindfolds
Blindfolds are by no means a permanent fix, but they can definitely show you what’s waiting for your sex life once you gain confidence.
Invest in blindfolds (America – Europe) for you and your partner, you can use two ties or items of clothing, just anything that can block your eyesight during sex. Then turn the lights off and make a deal not to peak till after the sex is finished.
Tip: You’ve got to be out going and do the things you wouldn’t normally do. I.E: If you’re a female get on-top, take control, be spontaneous, etc.
Tip Two: If you have complete lack of confidence in the bedroom then you can make your partner wear a blindfold while you just take control, this allows you to make sure they’re not looking and will help you let go and relax while having sex.
Masturbate A Lot (Learn Your Body)
I know my body better than anyone on this planet and in order to be sexually confident you need to know yours too.
Once you find what you enjoy and see the power of great sex, the kind where you’re left shaking, out of breath and sometimes even passed out, it’s easier to want to achieve love for you body and grow your mind sexually.
But Oli???? I could never masturbate more than once per day… Wrong. Once you find out what makes your body tick both mentally and physically your sex drive will increase an incredible amount.
Tip: Sex toys can seriously speed up the process of learning your body. As a beginner (female) I really recommending getting on for these bullet vibrators (America – Europe), great for both masturbation and couples play.
Low Lighting (Candles Please)
Nothing creates a sexual atmosphere quite like candle lit bedrooms. After you’ve tried the blindfold then upgrade to candle light, this will create a sexual vibe and begin the escalation to finally you can feel amazing with all the lights on…
…It’s also hot as f**k.
30 Day Confidence Growing Challenge
One of the ways I got myself to improve was starting a no excuse 30 day challenge, where I would work on all my insecurities, everyday for 30 days without any excuses and no days off. I did this around my job which are usually 12 – 14 hour days, so the time you have or don’t isn’t an excuse, as everyone can spare an hour a day for self-improvement.
eat clean food
Eat Clean Food
A good diet can increase happiness, stop depression, give you energy, cure illness and heighten your sex drive. Do I need say more? 😉
I personally eat:
Fish – Tuna and Salmon
Anything along them lines will work wonders for you. You can zig and zag, but just as long as you add variety and balance to your diet.
Don’t Compare Yourself To Porn Stars
Don’t fall into this horrible trap of comparing your boobs, butt, curves, penis, vagina and muscles to porn stars and models.
Porn stars are extremely attractive that’s no secret, but comparing yourself to them is pointless and will get you nowhere.
Every man and women is different in terms of what they find attractive and once you speak to porn stars and gorgeous models, you realize they’re extremely insecure in themselves too. So, that proves looks don’t give you satisfaction.
Instead, focus on becoming the best version of you, you can be. Therefore, get your body in a place you feel happy with, travel, try new things in and outside the bedroom and remember one simple thing…
Ending With My 3 Amazing Resources
Negative Body Image: How To Heal It – Adina gets down and dirty and shows you how to accept your body.
How To Be More Confident – If there’s anyone who knows the mind of confidence it’s the guy who runs Actualized.org.
4 Ways Meditation Can Boost Your Sensual Confidence – doyouyoga.com
“You’re Incredibly Sexy As Long As You Think You Are. “
how to boost your sexual confidence
You really are amazing, there’s only one of you in this world, so work it, twerk it and be sure to flaunt what you’ve got whether you’re guy or girl.