I learned how to master sex and this is how I did it…
…When I first began sex blogging I believed that if I wasn’t a “jedi sex guru” my readers and other bloggers wouldn’t take me seriously.
My idea of a “sex guru” meant I had to be able to learn every sexual practice, perfectly. Like so many other bloggers claim to have done (me included).
The problems came when I reached my first hurdle and couldn’t bring my partner to orgasm using a particular method.
After this, I was left with an empty, kind of frustrating feeling, that grew and grew making it continuously harder for me to enjoy sex.
Did I feel like less of a man? Yes.
But why don’t I care?
Well this experience didn’t just ground me and cause me to admit reaching a plateau in my sex life, but it taught me the most valuable sex tip I’ve learned to date.
And the tip is…
… Finding then selectively focusing on your natural sexual talent.
The Journey to Becoming Your Own Sex Master
Picture of me with guide on how to master sex
By going through my own trial and tribulation I learned that all of us, everyone of you, has their one great sexual talent.
And becoming a “expert of sex” doesn’t mean learning every talent as some would have you believe, no. It just means finding the one thing you’re great at and working ever so slightly to improve it.
A quote from ‘The One Thing’ hits the nail on the head perfectly:
“It takes far more energy and work to improve from incompetence to mediocrity than it takes to improve from first-rate performance to excellence.”
Where Does This Tie In With The Intro?
Everyday I would read and sit in awe of other sex bloggers who would be showcasing their sex advice from anal to oral and bdsm to threesomes all under one site, I felt that in order for me to be a valid blogger I had to match their abilities.
Not only is this unrealistic, but it hit my ego, hard.
It turns out, me, you, and loads of other people have these exact fears and problems.
And they cause us to feel inadequate to the social standards of sexual ability. (Well at least they did for me).
This caused me to re-think my views and get back to what really mattered to this site, to EssexLad and that is ‘Great Sex’.
So, I took the problem of trying to learn too much at any one time, narrowed it down to just learning one thing and took inspiration from a quote from Josh Billings:
“Be like a postage stamp— stick to one thing until you get there.”.
And voila. The sex mastery method was unlocked.
How Do I Find My Sexual Talent?
Picture of me teaching how to find your sexual talent
It’s as simple as answering these questions:
What seuxal act are you complemented on the most?
What sexual act has the highest success rate?
What sexual act gives you the most control over pleasuring your current/previous partners?
What sexual act do you enjoy doing/giving the most?
Reflect on your answers and you’ll start to see a sexual talent that shines brighter than the rest.
A rule of thumb I’ve used with this method is to start with the sexual talent that completes the answers above.
Once masted, move onto the techniques that give you the most joy or sexual arousal.
What if I Don’t Have a Sexual Talent?
Picture of me questioning sexual talent
Most of us will have that one thing we’re more natural at and If you don’t, fear not because you’ve got options:
1). Experimenting with your sex life until your one thing is clearer.
2). Pick your favorite sex technique and perfect it. Now it won’t be as quick or as easy as bettering a talent you already have.
But it’ll sure as hell be better than the opposite, which is not perfecting a sex technique at all.
What Should I Do Once I Find My Talent To Learn?
I worked on a recipe over the past few months that’s extremely effective.
All you’ve got to do is spend 20 minutes per day learning about the talent you wish to learn.
Read, watch videos, listen to audio books and get yourself on some courses.
Don’t go crazy, start with one book on the subject you wish to master, then let your collection grow as your ability gets stronger.
“But Oli, how much content is out there for any one sexual talent?”
You would be truly surprised just how much content you’ll find for almost any sexual talent you wish to improve.
What if My Future Partner Doesn’t Like My Sexual Talent?
Picture of me and future partner not liking me in bed
In my experience if you become experienced in a sexual talent you can usually convert non lovers pretty, easy…
But on my personal journey I found my other sexual abilities naturally increased, once I started learning one method. Your confidence grows thus unlocking more talents within you. Plus there’s nothing stopping you from mastering different sexual abilities once you’ve accomplished one.
Just invest your time carefully and be sure to fully experience and learn the first sexual ability before moving on to the next.
The Bottom Line?
If you truly want to rock people’s socks off in bed, you need to be careful about the content you submerse yourself with.
Understand that there’s no one magical method and even if there was it would only work for a handful of people, because every one of you is different in your own amazing ways.
So, test, test and more testing.
Take the advice, narrow it down, tailor it to your own sex life and take action.
This quote sums how to master sex up nicely:
“You must avoid at all cost the idea that you can manage learning several skills at a time. You need to develop your powers of concentration, and understand that trying to multitask will be the death of the process.”
Let me finish by asking one simple question: What’s the sexual talent you’re going to master?
Now leave a comment below.
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